Mortality, films and cross-cultural friendships

Dear Sherry

It has been about two weeks since Viqar Uncle, your phuppa passed away. I hope the family is moving in the direction of healing. This is the second death in your family in the last two months. It must be a difficult time for everyone, and I hope all of you find ways of supporting each other through this. I'd like to be around for you, so if there is anything you want to share, just reach out and you'll find me there. Thanks for sharing with me a little about Viqar Uncle's career as a teacher. I am sure his students feel the loss, and also a lot of gratitude for what they learnt from him. Teacher-student relationships can be incredibly special. Many of mine have been. The person I am today is, in large measure, thanks to the wonderful teachers I have had. Their love, encouragement, constructive criticism and guidance have helped me shape my thinking and open my heart.

Mira (a turtle from the Either Or store in Pune, India) reading bell hooks 

My finest teachers have been those who haven't told me what to think and believe but who have created the space for me to ask questions, reflect, argue, challenge their ideas and mine, and pursue the love of learning. I feel grateful that at every period of my life, be it school, college, university, or after, I have found some amazing people to learn from. In a broad sense, so many people have been teachers -- family, friends, colleagues, mentors, students, and the people whose work I have read and admired. One of my favourite writers on education is bell hooks, an African American feminist who brings together quite beautifully the seemingly disparate worlds of Paulo Freire and Thich Nhat Hanh.

In the blog post you wrote just a few days ago, you mentioned a bunch of movies. Of those, I have managed to watch only two - Shaadi Ke Side Effects and Queen. I am quite fond of Vidya Balan and Farhan Akhtar, and that is what led me to the cinema hall. Though the film made me laugh a lot, I could not help noticing the familiar stereotypes around men's work and women's work. Of course, the film did try to turn them around a bit but not much. The most important thing that film left me thinking about was the amount of hard work parenting requires. And that willingness to put other people's needs before your own. I'm not ready for it. I wonder if you are either. What's your take on fatherhood?

As for Queen, I simply loved it. Such a progressive film! It felt great to see a Bollywood heroine stand up for herself, and come into her own. Seeing her grow into a confident person was an education in itself. I felt the film was empowering at many levels, and not from the lens of gender alone. I found strength in Rani because of the way she managed to negotiate living in countries and contexts quite different from her own. Regardless of the many cross-cultural friendships I treasure, I have still not travelled outside Southasia, and I do have some amount of anxiety around how I would feel once I go to the US or to Europe. I felt Rani had something to teach me. 

With Zach, a very dear friend who lives in Seattle

I am glad you wrote about your trip to the US, and how it felt to be there. I too would like to go. Berkeley is a place I feel a very special connection with. I cannot explain why. It is something visceral. I will be able to tell you only once I have had the experience. What I would love to explore in the US includes public libraries, street art, cafes, bookstores, various cuisines; most of all, the experience of cross-cultural friendships with people from all over the world. I have friends in Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, New York, and elsewhere but I have not had the opportunity to travel there yet. Inshallah, soon. I have applied for a program that might take me there. I will keep you posted. 

A beautiful tree spotted in Bandra, a suburb of Mumbai, on a walk with my friend Adithya

Now, I'll go back to a book that I picked up in Pune last week. It is called 'Just look up...to see the magic in the trees around you'. The author is Sadhana Ramchander. It is a quiet little book, with lots of pictures of beautiful trees, flowers, leaves, and plenty of poems and musings. I love trees, and I love hugging them. Have you tried it? You must. Hugging a tree, and resting your head on its trunk, is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world. Of course, you can enjoy it only if you are prepared to risk looking like a fool to others who don't understand. When I visit Lahore, I would love to spend time looking around at the trees in various neighbourhoods. By the way, if you were a tree, which one would you like to be? I'd like to be a banyan.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Love,

Chintan

Never too late

Ok so Chintan, it has taken me quite a long time to come up with my next blogpost; partly to be blamed on my laziness.

But the major reason, as you’re already aware, was the death of a very close uncle (my phuppa) just last week. I fall short of words while expressing what he meant to all of us. Such a gentle, kind, quiet, soft-spoken soul. He barely talked to anyone, but when he did, it was always meaningful. He was an economist and was part of the famous Lahore School of Economics. He had taught the late Benazir Bhutto at Oxford University, as well as many other major political personalities at the Forman Christian College here in Lahore. Anyway, the entire family was shocked at his sudden death even though he had aged but was healthy and well.

Moving on, before this tragedy, I had planned to watch almost all the good movies playing in cinemas: Queen, Gulaab Gang, Shaadi ke Side Effects etc. And guess what, I couldn’t watch any of them and now they’re almost off the cinemas. Too too sad. I really didn’t want to miss Gulaab Gang and after I hear such raving reviews about Queen from everyone, even people who didn’t really watch Bollywood movies, I had made up my mind not to miss it. But who would have known what was in store. Khair, I think ill have to download them all, just like I have eight others that I haven’t been able to watch yet.

I used to watch Comedy Nights with Kapil regularly and couldn’t follow that either; it’s been a month now. But I sure am successfully following Koffee with Karan regularly for some strange reason.

So anyway, in your previous blog you mentioned all the beautiful places you had travelled to in India and some interesting people you met during your travels. It was quite fascinating to know at least someone had seen a lot of his country. Whereas look at me, I have barely seen any city in Pakistan but Lahore just because I live here. I’ve seen Pindi and some of Islamabad but don’t remember the last time I went to its landmarks like Shakarparian, Daman-e-Koh, Pir Sohawa etc. And Karachi it’s been a lifetime; I think I last visited it in the mid 90s. It’s a shame, I know! I’ve also been to some places in the up north but that was also when I was in my teens (and that is quite a long time ago). So you see, I’m such a loser; haven’t even seen my own country properly aur chala hoon doosray mulk ghoomnay. But yes, I do have been to the US, last year, on a month-long journalists exchange programme and I can share that with you briefly.

Daman-e-Koh, Islamabad

The programme was by the InternationalCenter for Journalists in America. I was part of a 13-member group of print journalists from different parts of Pakistan to travel to the US (and I was the youngest among them). As part of the programme, we were all then sent to different cities and states and attached with newspaper organisations there. We were supposed to shadow journalists and just learn and observe how their working was different from ours here, and the difference was massive of course. I wrote an opinion piece during my stay there because coincidently our historic general elections were held while I was there, so I monitored them and shared my opinion with the local Americans because while there I realised a lot of them barely knew about Pakistan. So I found that as an opportunity to tell them about our elections and why they were so significant for Pakistan. I also did a local story about bats for the paper. It was an adventure and an experience of a lifetime, for I was there in an alien country, around alien people, all by myself.

You can read about my experience in detail in this piece I wrote for the newspaper I was attached with there in the US after my return, and they were kind enough to publish it. I also wrote for them about Malala Yousafzai’s historic speech she delivered at the UN General Assembly. So this is my little travel history, nothing compared to your extensive trips across India.

Oh, by the way I didn’t get to watch that video Kirthi shared; you know YouTube issues, even proxies don’t seem to work now. Though I am trying to figure out a way. Did you watch it?

Now that another one of my features got recently published, which you were kind enough to share with the rest of the group, I’m thinking of ideas for the next piece. Want to do an interview now. Oh and hey, I started interacting with some cool people from across the border all thanks to that Facebook group Miss Greatness Kirthi created for us. It’s been a nice couple of conversations so far. Learning about them, the cities they live in, culture practiced there, what they’re doing. The more you know, the more you want to meet them in person. And it was lovely learning about Xavier’s from you the other day. Until now I had only seen it and heard about it in Hindi films. Gosh it sounds exciting and fascinating and from the looks of it, resembles a castle.

Khair chalo, I’ve run out of stuff to talk about. You know me and the time I get to write all of this at. Is time par toh kuch dimagh mein aa jaye yehi bari baat hai. I’m sure you already have your next blog ready considering how efficient you are with words. I shall wait to see what you have in mind now and also what Kirthi Jii has in that ‘curriculum’.

Until next time, Khuda Hafiz!

Sharing more of me

Dear Sherry

I enjoyed reading the blog post you wrote in response to mine, particularly the energy and spontaneity of it, the affection and laughter in it. What made it even more special is knowing that you wrote it after a long night at work, while you were sleepy and dazed. Having a job that requires you to come in when most of your friends are returning from their workplaces must feel like a bit of a challenge. Anyway, thanks, for making the time to write. My favourite part of your post was this: "We'll meet up and I'm sure we'll bring the house down. Nobody would have seen more madness than we'll show them. Heehaaw!" Yaar, hearing from you always brightens up my day. I'm sure you know that :-p

What I look like when someone brightens up my day (Photo credit: Vibha Shah)

I was wondering what you'd like to learn about me through these blog posts. Thankfully, you've given me a lot of ideas. This time, I'll share with you some glimpses from my recent travel experiences. There have been several in 2014 - Madikeri, Bylakuppe, Bangalore, Panchgani, Pondicherry, Chennai, Hyderabad, Pune, Sakad. I am not able to recall anymore. I guess that's about it. There's something quite thrilling about travel. Tiring too. Yet it remains one of the things I love most.

Outside North Coorg Club, Mercara

I had booked a train ticket for the 1st of January. It took me from Mumbai to Mangalore, from where I boarded a bus to Madikeri. It is located in the Coorg district of Karnataka. On my second evening there, I was just walking around, and happened to come across this postbox, a little before the entrance to the Madikeri Fort. I like the sight of postboxes. I associate them with handwritten letters. Did I ever tell you that I wanted to be a postman when I was in second grade? I love writing and receiving letters. At that age, I imagined that I would get a lot of letters if I became a postman. Anyway, I still enjoy writing letters. Maybe I'll write you one someday.




The real reason for my going to Madikeri was to use that place as a stopover. It is about two hours away from Bylakuppe, the site of a major Tibetan refugee settlement. I wanted to begin my year listening to the teachings of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. And I did. I was there only for the last of 10 days. However, it felt beautiful. I feel closely connected to the Tibetan community because I have spent five weeks with them in Dharamsala, a beautiful in the hills of Himachal Pradesh. This short trip gave me a chance to reconnect with them. I was also able to meet some of my monk friends from Namgyal Monastery, which is attached to HHDL's home. They received me warmly, invited me to have lunch with them, and spent some happy moments reliving our shared experiences in Dharamsala. Those five weeks were incredibly special. I received them as a gift from The Foundation for Universal Responsibility, an organization started by HHDL using the money he received along with the Nobel Peace Prize. I was one of around 30 young people who had the opportunity to live with the Tibetans, attend Buddhist philosophy classes, learn meditation, volunteer with local NGOs like the Tibetan Centre for Conflict Resolution and Students for a Free Tibet, and generally experience the beauty of life in the hills.




What you see above is a picture of the three principal deities at Namdroling Monastery (also called The Golden Temple) in Bylakuppe. They are Guru Padmasambhava, Buddha Shakyamuni and Buddha Amitayus (from left to right). There were plaques explaining the significance of each. I was quite excited by this bit, which I read on the plaque about Guru Padmasambhava: "He was born twelve years after the passing of Buddha, on the lake Sindhu, in the land of Oddiyana (the present day Afghan-Pakistan Border)." Such an amazing reminder of our beautifully connected histories, isn't it? When I was reading that plaque, I was instantly reminded of Shiraz Hassan, my friend in Rawalpindi, who loves historical monuments and searching for stories among ruins.

Later in the month (yes, I'm still talking about January), I was in Panchgani, where I met those beautiful people from several different parts of the world. We were participants at the Making Democracy Real Dialogue organized by the Initiatives of Change at Asia Plateau. The first guy in that picture (the one with the camera) is Puvaan Jayandren. He's a Malaysian of Indian origin. His paternal grandfather used to live in Pondicherry before he migrated. We had beautiful long conversations. Yet again, I was struck by how depth and intimacy in interactions are not necessarily determined by the length of time people have known each other. Some people, by virtue of the way they are, immediately inspire trust and confidence. 

In the same picture, you also see Kobi Goodwin in that lovely purple pullover. I was surprised to learn that he too was in Bylakuppe for the same set of teachings I mentioned earlier. I remember Kobi for his silence, the sincerity with which he listened, our brief exchange about Israel and Palestine, our early morning starlit trek, and for the verses he recited from the Torah during an interfaith prayer session one morning. I also met some people from Pakistan. The one who inspired me most was Salman Rashid, a travel writer based in Lahore who I would love to see again.

In the second half of January, I was in Pondicherry thanks to the invitation of my friend Payal Adhikari who teaches at a small village school on the outskirts of Auroville, a township that is home to people from various countries of the world. The blue house you see in the picture above belongs to Krupa, who I met thanks to Payal. Krupa is an artist, educator and art therapist who lives in Auroville. That's a house built from a giant metal container. Krupa has designed it herself. I loved listening to her talk about it, seeing the vegetable patch next to it, and the fence around which she wants to transform into an affirmation-art installation space, where people can tie their 'intentions'.

The red thread you see me tying is from the Buddhist teachings in Bylakuppe. I received it from one of the monks there. When Krupa told me about the installation, I remembered that the thread was still lying in my bag. I took it out, and tied it around, while chanting 'Om Mani Padme Hum', a beautiful Buddhist mantra which means 'May all beings be happy and peaceful'. The fence around Krupa's home seemed to me a lot like the jaalis one sees at shrines like Hazrat Nizamuddin Auliya's dargah in Delhi. It was a special moment in my friendship with Krupa. I hope to see her again.

After spending a week in Pondicherry, I went to Chennai for two days. The most valuable part of that trip was getting to reconnect with Navaneet, my friend from college. He used to live in Mumbai before he moved to Chennai to devote himself completely to the learning of Carnatic classical music. Navaneet took me to the home of Keshav Venkataraghavan, a dear friend of his who is a cartoonist with The Hindu, a newspaper you must have heard of.  That is Keshav's desk. It was enchanting to linger over every little object in and around his work space. He showed me several paintings and murals, and lovingly answered all my questions. I also got to spend a fair amount of time with Navaneet's sister Jayshree Akka (Tamil word for 'elder sister') who shares so many of my interests. She is super-cool.

I'm moving towards the end of my blog post, and I realize that I have been able to share so little. Anyway, we have a year to go, and more, Inshallah. Writing this blog post made me revisit a lot that happened in the last few months. And through these recollections, I hope, I have given you a flavour of what delights my heart. Now I look forward to reading your post, and learning more about you, Sherry.

PS: Thank God for hyperlinks! :-p

Dream come true? Maybe!

As Salman Khan would say on Bigg Boss, Hello, Asalam-o-Alaikum, Namaskar, Sat Sri Akaal, Kemcho…

Chintan, to begin with, it was a massive surprise when you and I got paired with each other for the Pakistan-India Building Peace Project. Thanks a tonne for letting me know about it and convincing me to apply when I was being a little lazy.

 Just the fact that we both knew each other before the project came along and eventually getting selected and also being paired with each other couldn’t have been more pleasant a surprise. And you know what the best part for me is? I finally FINALLY may get to visit India (fingers crossed) at the end of this project at the Peace Summit these good guys at The Red Elephant have planned for us. I mean can you believe it? My childhood dream -- that’s what I keep telling everyone it is -- may actually come true. This reminds me of that dialogue from Om Shanti Om, “Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho to puri kainaat usse tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai.” So that’s what I’m most excited about. We’ll meet up and I’m sure we’ll bring the house down. Nobody would have seen more madness than we’ll show them. Heehaww!!

But you know Chintu even if this wonderful opportunity hadn’t come along I know we would have been communicating anyway. Yes the biggest advantage of this yearlong virtual Building Peace Project chit chat would be that we’ll be able to get to know each other in so many ways that we may not have otherwise through our usual Facebook chats. Because what we’re usually doing is what, pagalpan! But we may have to restrict that pagalpan at least for these blogs as they’ll be public :)

I’m glad over the next one year I’ll be able find out about your past, your present and what you have planned for your future; your family, friends, your city, where all you have travelled within India and outside, your education (I know you’re great with words), your hobbies and so much more. And yes, I for one would like to talk about relations between our countries and what people around us feel about it.

From some of our previous chats I’m so glad to find out that some of our thoughts are so similar: we’re both pagal (as you say), we both feel the need to be alone at times, we can both be eccentric and enthusiastic yet serious and focused on our work and so on…. But dude, you’re quite deep and spiritual in your thoughts and emotions and feelings, and I’m definitely not. And you read books, which I don’t. But chalo, there has to be difference also na, otherwise where’s the fun? Hehehe…

Acha I’m not as efficient as you are with words so it’s getting a little difficult to stretch this. By the way, before I got on to writing this, I was watching my current favourite Indian TV shows Koffee with Karan and Comedy Nights with Kapil (you know very well that Hindi movies and music are among my deepest passions). Karan had Shradha Kapoor and Aditya Roy Kapoor on his show this week, and man, both of them sing really well. Yeah, they sang on the show. 

And finally, if I ever get a chance to visit India, Inshallah, the five cities (because we get a visa for five only) I would want to visit are Delhi, Mumbai, Jaipur, Lucknow and Agra or Goa.

Ok then, until your next blog, Khuda Hafiz!

Deepening our friendship

Dear Sheharyar 

I'm delighted to begin this 'blogversation' with you. Thanks for coming

up with that cool hybrid word. It's quite amazing, isn't it? I mean, the fact

that you and I applied for the Building Peace Project around the same

time, and we both got selected. In addition to that, we also got

paired with each other to share this journey of cross-border

correspondence over a year, leading up to a peace summit where we

actually get to meet each other. Yay! :-) The universe sends these

surprises my way, all the time.

Expressing gratitude to the universe

Sherry, I am not sure what you think of this but I love the fact that it is

going to be a longish interaction, and not just a one-off conference

or workshop. Though you and I have been in touch even before we got

selected for the Building Peace Project, I think our friendship will

have an opportunity to deepen as we explore some of the topics in the

curriculum these folks have created for us. What I also like about the

format of this project is that we have a chance to share from a space

that feels personal, intimate and comfortable. There is no compulsion

here to use peace studies jargon or engage in superficial small talk.

Over the course of this year, I would love to know about your friends

and family, the school you went to, the places that you like visiting,

where you feel most at home, about what moves you, what makes you

happy, what troubles you, about the dreams you have, about the crazy

things you have done, and just about anything you would like to share.

Yaar, in fact, I would love to hear about your relationship to Lahore, the

city you live in. I have been there twice, and I feel a special 

connection to that place. I would love to see it from your eyes now.

From my first trip to Pakistan - With friends at Government College, Lahore

Sherry, I am glad that our 'blogversations' will be up for public

viewing so that people who read these can get a flavour of what can

happen when two crazy young men from two different sides of the border

get together in the hope that their little bit is a significant bit in

healing the difficult past their countries share.

However, I do not feel the need to restrict our conversation to topics

around India-Pakistan relations. That would be a bit pretentious,

don't you think? There are so many things that make us who we are.

Nationality is just one of those things. Our shared love of films, our

ability to balance childlike enthusiasm with a deep affinity for

silence and alone time, our relationship to the work we do, the

journeys we want to undertake - these are things we have touched upon

in the past, and I would love for us to go further.

Okay, now I'm going to end this, and return to a fabulous book I have

been reading. It's called The Forty Rules of Love. I picked up this

one at Variety Bookstore in Lahore. However, I began reading it just a

week ago. It is written by a Turkish author named Elif Shafak. The

book is brilliant. It is teaching me so much about life and love,

searching and seeking, welcoming change. Through this, I am learning

about Jelaluddin Rumi and his spiritual companion Shams Tabrizi. This

book is doing something to me. I feel it is slowly transforming me from

within.

Oh by the way, did you know that Rumi's parents were originally from Afghanistan, 

and that Shams Tabrizi's tomb is in Multan? I did not know these things. I

would love to go to Rumi's tomb in Konya, Turkey, and also to Shams

Tabrizi's tomb in Multan. Sufism offers such a special way of

understanding the world, and connecting with oneself and people

around. I love it! I've been to Data Darbar in Lahore. The other

shrines in Pakistan that I look forward to visiting are Nankana Sahib,

Bhitshah, Sehwan Sharif, Barri Imam, Panja Sahib, and many others.

Inshallah, I will be able to go to these places someday.

Shah Inayat's mazaar in Lahore - My friend Omaid Malik took me there.

Chalo, I'm signing off! Now waiting for you to write! :-) Ab jaao, likkho na!

Khuda Haafiz

Chintan