A ray of hope

Miyan Chintan,

Ramazan is in full swing here, there and everywhere. While it’s way too bloody hot and humid to stay away from water for over 14 hours, I should be the last one complaining. Fortunately for me (and not really in line with the spirit of the holy month), I sleep till late in the day because of my awful work hours and wake up just a few hours before the Iftar time (that’s when you break the fast, for those not in the know), get ready and go to work where I have Iftar everyday. So yeah, for me the rozas are a walk in the park!

Just like my family does every year, this time too we planned one-dish Iftars where every week the few of my relative left in the city (most have moved abroad) get together at someone’s house and each family brings one or max two dishes. So far, the three we’ve had have been, well, gluttonous with so much delicious food around. But it’s an awesome time to meet family and just spend time with them talking, reminiscing old times, enjoying the little kids around. I love these gatherings since I miss out on a lot of family time because of working in the evenings.

Our everyday Iftar usually includes fruits chaat, two types of pakoras (potato and spinach leaves) and batashay, which is apparently something Indian or maybe Urdu-speaking that my mom (who’s from an Urdu-speaking family and her roots go back to Meerut) introduced to my dad’s Punjabi family who’ve all been going gaga over it ever since. And, of course, the staple, dates and juices. It makes for quite a heartening meal but I feel an Iftar would be incomplete with all these foods, although a lot of people would kill me if they find out about my unhealthy eating habits. 

The batashay are very similar to this. Just that ours are dipped in yoghurt.

I’d love to know what Muslims in India have for Iftar because here at least there are some items that are common for every family, e.g. the fruit chaat or dahi bhallay as a substitute. Sadly, we won’t be celebrating Eid this time as two close family members died earlier this year. So it’s just going to be a normal day. Let’s see, I don’t know what we’d do. No work, staying at home, shops etc closed.

Taking a cue from your last post in this ‘blogversation’ of ours, I’d like to say it’s extremely heartening to see, first, that Zee TV has taken this initiative of launching a channel that is showing TV dramas from Pakistan. It’s such a laudable step, I feel! And secondly, Indian audiences loving the dramas they’re watching. I’m amazed and it makes me so happy.

I’ve often had this debate with both Pakistanis and Indians on the Aman Ki Asha Facebook group who want Indian films banned in Pakistan. Their argument has been that if the exchange is not equal then there’s no point in it. And they may not be entirely wrong. But my argument is that this should be asked of the Indian government. No point in depriving our audiences of something they’ve grown up on. Bollywood has a magnanimous market here, which provides our people with some much-needed entertainment since we don’t have a lot to do around here. Because of this, many more cinemas have opened up generating employment, and the best part is that it’s reinforced competition among the local filmmakers who’re churning out a lot of films now than before. It’s a pity they don’t work, but at least they’re being produced; the effort is being made and eventually this will lead to better films coming out of Pakistan’s own industry with time. There’s so much we are gaining from it.  

It's doing exactly what it's slogan says

This venture by Zee Zindagi has and will continue to ease things up, I hope. This is just the beginning. More dramas will be shown there, then there will be a time when our films are screened in India. I myself don’t watch Pakistani TV plays but know for a fact that SO many families are hooked on to them. I just hope the ones being shown across the border project something positive about the country and its people and not that we’re a bunch of women-haters, which I have heard a lot of plays portray. There are some plays that project women as victims of domestic abuse, weak, subservient to husbands and God knows what! I don’t want such plays as part of this cultural exchange, if I may call it.

But it’s made me very excited that the Indian audiences, including people from the film industry, have welcomed the dramas, view it as a positive gesture and are liking them too.

Here’s hoping for many more such exchanges to follow in various other fields.

On this positive and happy note I conclude my rant. Had waited to write this for some time.

Cheers and all the best for Maine. Keep us all posted J

Changing attitudes about Pakistan in India

Yaar, Sheharyar,

I loved the last blog post you wrote, especially your concerns around gender-based violence in Pakistan and India. It is really important that men speak up about violence against women, not simply to show that there are violent men and non-violent men but to call out patriarchy for what it does. I wish I could say with some degree of confidence that education helps to mitigate violence. Unfortunately, I cannot. Even men like us who condemn violence against women probably participate in this violence in ways that we are unaware of. There is so much to learn, all the time, about oneself and what's happening around.

When I was a child, I remember an uncle slapping his 20-year-old daughter right in front of four other people in the family. No one said a thing. I was too scared. I don't remember too well but I may have been shivering. What I  remember though is asking my aunt, "Why did he do that?" She said, "He did the right thing. She needs some disciplining." What do you say to something like that? And what amazes me, in retrospect, is how the mother did not stand up for her daughter. Instead, she legitimized what her husband had done. I cringe when I think of what would have happened to that daughter's self-esteem. She is a mother today. I wonder how she and her husband 'discipline' their children.

Courtesy https://www.facebook.com/ZeeZindagiTV/photos_stream

That brings me to Kashaf and Rafia, my favourite people on the Pakistani show 'Zindagi Gulzar Hai', which is being aired on Zee Zindagi right now. I love how Rafia stands up for all her daughters, and commits to their well-being despite having a husband who brings them nothing but misery. I draw strength from watching the way they lead their lives. There are obstacles galore but they never lose their conviction. Kashaf is a brilliant student, and has been offered a full scholarship to study at university. Instead of being thrilled about this, her father wants her to give up the opportunity and get married. Kashaf is no doormat. Neither is her mother. They are quite different from each other but both are strong, resolute, hardworking and self-respecting women. 

Courtesy http://www.zindagitv.in/shows/zindagi-gulzar-hai/

I feel that this television show from Pakistan and other ones that will soon be aired on Zee Zindagi will play a very positive role in changing attitudes that Indians hold towards Pakistanis. Viewers will get to see a whole range of characters, and that will make a difference. When I have done workshops with schools in India, I have been asked at least on three occasions, "Do women in Pakistan go to work?" My knee-jerk response would be "Yes, of course! Is that even a question?" However, I try to avoid being reactive. The question is not necessarily one that comes from a sense of superiority but one that comes from a mixture of ignorance and curiosity. They are surprised when they hear that the Pakistani women I personally know or have read about are teachers, professors, journalists, writers, poets, artists, researchers, politicians, actors, editors, lawyers, etc. The assumption that all Pakistani women are Muslim, burqa-clad and oppressed needs to change. These words are often thought of as synonymous, and that's tragic. However, these ideas will change. They will.

A painting by my friend Ellie Cross, also the logo of Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein

This collaborative blog that we write reaffirms my faith in the possibility of cross-border friendships to transform popular perceptions. I know many people read this. Some leave comments, some do not. Some write to me about how they felt, how something suddenly shifted inside when they read a particular post. Some mention it at a party. Some even know you by first name. They ask me about how my friend Sheharyar in Lahore is doing. 

It's beautiful, isn't it?

*Big warm hug* 

Chintan