How Life Could Be

Dear Sheharyar

I am back from a wonderful three weeks at the Seeds of Peace International Camp in Maine, USA. When I was setting out for this unique opportunity to live and learn with fellow educators from Pakistan, Afghanistan, Israel, Palestine, Egypt, Jordan and USA, I knew I was signing up for something remarkable. 

With my friend Ahmed from Palestine

I hadn't imagined, however, that the experience of being a Delegation Leader from India would be so rich and inspiring that I wouldn't miss home even for a day.

Delegation leaders with Seeds of Peace DL staff, Photo credit: Bobbie Gottschalk

I guess that happened because I was exploring a deeper sense of home that the spirit craves for - one that isn't tied down to location, routine or familiarity but rooted in a recognition of something vast and expansive. I didn't want to come back. To be truthful, I haven't entirely come back. I am in those trees. I am in the waters of that lake.

Outside Andy and Paula's home in Casco, Maine, Photo credit: Sigal Sheinman

And simultaneously, I am in Mumbai - a city that I grew up in but can't bear to live in for too long. This is a pace I cannot handle. There is too much aggression here, much too much. 

Maine gave me respite, and plenty of time with myself. I got to learn more about what brings me alive. I grew more comfortable expressing what I fear and resist. I didn't have to hold back my tears. I wasn't embarrassed about requesting a hug.

I welcomed the invitation to learn a new language - that of non violent communication, taught by Peggy and Tarek, our dialogue facilitators. With love and patience, they showed us how words could heal and help reconcile, how one could stop using them as ammunition in endless cycles of violence.

At Portland, Maine

At the camp, Palestinians and Israelis went kayaking together. Afghans and Americans cooked together. Pakistanis and Indians went for long walks, and huddled together by the bonfire.

Cooking with my friend Sana from Lahore at Cow Island, Maine, Photo credit: Sonia

Today there is criticism building around Seeds of Peace as an organization. Questions are being asked about its relevance, given the refusal to take sides in the Middle East.

Amidst the competing narratives, it can be easy to forget those radical moments of human connection that Seeds of Peace makes possible - an Israeli woman choking up while listening to a Palestinian man whose friend was shot dead, a Palestinian man listening respectfully to an Israeli woman who almost got killed on a bus that was attacked. This is why I deeply value the work of Seeds of Peace.

I have seen that dialogue can be messy. People feel triggered when their country is blamed, when contesting narratives are presented, when their own experience is dismissed as a lie.

The emotional landscape is not a gently flowing stream. There are mountains and marshlands, volcanoes and underground springs. This is where facilitators like Peggy and Tarek came into the picture. They did a lot of skill building work with us, particularly around non violent communication.

With Peggy on a sailing trip in Bath, Maine

Much of the work participants were called on to do was not just in dialogue with the other side but also in an intense encounter with themselves - their pride, their pain, their beliefs, and their hearts. 

It is this inner churning that made it possible for an Afghan and a Pakistani to go swimming together, for an Indian to make a Pakistani her rakhi brother, for an American to apologize to an Afghan for the harm her government has caused to his people. I sincerely wish more people had such opportunities to experience warmth, play, friendship and trust with folks from what has been constructed as the other side.

With Fahad, my friend from Lahore

We are where we are because we refuse to open our minds and hearts. We continue to buy into hate propaganda. We do not place enough faith in our capacity to embrace. We can walk to a better place but we need to walk together.

There are two important festivals being celebrated in India today. It is Ganesh Chaturthi, the patron deity of which is Ganesh, the remover of obstacles and the lord of new beginnings. It is also Samvatsari, the last day of Paryushan, the eight day fasting period observed by Jains. It is a day of universal forgiveness - to forgive, and to seek forgiveness, for hurt caused through thought, speech and action. One festival seems to flow seamlessly into the other.

As I celebrate these, I think of where we could be if India and Pakistan, Indians and Pakistanis, would acknowledge how we have hurt each other, how we can remove the obstacles in our relationship, how we can commit to new beginnings.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Love

Chintan