Saturday 5 July 2014

Changing attitudes about Pakistan in India

Yaar, Sheharyar,

I loved the last blog post you wrote, especially your concerns around gender-based violence in Pakistan and India. It is really important that men speak up about violence against women, not simply to show that there are violent men and non-violent men but to call out patriarchy for what it does. I wish I could say with some degree of confidence that education helps to mitigate violence. Unfortunately, I cannot. Even men like us who condemn violence against women probably participate in this violence in ways that we are unaware of. There is so much to learn, all the time, about oneself and what's happening around.



When I was a child, I remember an uncle slapping his 20-year-old daughter right in front of four other people in the family. No one said a thing. I was too scared. I don't remember too well but I may have been shivering. What I  remember though is asking my aunt, "Why did he do that?" She said, "He did the right thing. She needs some disciplining." What do you say to something like that? And what amazes me, in retrospect, is how the mother did not stand up for her daughter. Instead, she legitimized what her husband had done. I cringe when I think of what would have happened to that daughter's self-esteem. She is a mother today. I wonder how she and her husband 'discipline' their children.

Courtesy https://www.facebook.com/ZeeZindagiTV/photos_stream
That brings me to Kashaf and Rafia, my favourite people on the Pakistani show 'Zindagi Gulzar Hai', which is being aired on Zee Zindagi right now. I love how Rafia stands up for all her daughters, and commits to their well-being despite having a husband who brings them nothing but misery. I draw strength from watching the way they lead their lives. There are obstacles galore but they never lose their conviction. Kashaf is a brilliant student, and has been offered a full scholarship to study at university. Instead of being thrilled about this, her father wants her to give up the opportunity and get married. Kashaf is no doormat. Neither is her mother. They are quite different from each other but both are strong, resolute, hardworking and self-respecting women. 

Courtesy http://www.zindagitv.in/shows/zindagi-gulzar-hai/
I feel that this television show from Pakistan and other ones that will soon be aired on Zee Zindagi will play a very positive role in changing attitudes that Indians hold towards Pakistanis. Viewers will get to see a whole range of characters, and that will make a difference. When I have done workshops with schools in India, I have been asked at least on three occasions, "Do women in Pakistan go to work?" My knee-jerk response would be "Yes, of course! Is that even a question?" However, I try to avoid being reactive. The question is not necessarily one that comes from a sense of superiority but one that comes from a mixture of ignorance and curiosity. They are surprised when they hear that the Pakistani women I personally know or have read about are teachers, professors, journalists, writers, poets, artists, researchers, politicians, actors, editors, lawyers, etc. The assumption that all Pakistani women are Muslim, burqa-clad and oppressed needs to change. These words are often thought of as synonymous, and that's tragic. However, these ideas will change. They will.

A painting by my friend Ellie Cross, also the logo of Friendships Across Borders: Aao Dosti Karein
This collaborative blog that we write reaffirms my faith in the possibility of cross-border friendships to transform popular perceptions. I know many people read this. Some leave comments, some do not. Some write to me about how they felt, how something suddenly shifted inside when they read a particular post. Some mention it at a party. Some even know you by first name. They ask me about how my friend Sheharyar in Lahore is doing. 

It's beautiful, isn't it?

*Big warm hug* 

Chintan 

1 comment:

  1. Even I am watching Zindagi Gulzar Hai and other serials on Zee Zindagi. So happy that atleast one mainstream channel had the guts to take up this venture of showcasing serials from across the border. I am actually also noticing how different these serials are from the daily doses of stupidity that our saas bahu sagas offer and in fact I have found all shows to be absolutely refreshing and amazing so much so that I am actually hooked to these and cant even miss a single episode. similar sentiments have been expressed by my friends. I love the title song of Zindagi Gulzar Hai. I must also admit here that before interacting with people in Pakistan, I was also extremely prejudiced and had similar ideas about Pakistani women, which have of course now changed. But Zee Zindagi gives us a slice of reality about Pakistan and I am loving it to the core.

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